on my loneliness

And sometimes I ask myself why, and then I remember

It was the pain that made me this way

It was the treason that made me so quiet

The feeling of not being understood,

of never feeling home when I’m surrounded by family

The perceptions that define who we are

The perfectly organized chaos of thoughts that spin,

incessant

The ones that show us the world and talk to us

Our self-protections into the world;

yes, protections – and not projections.

That’s all I am and all I can be

And that’s how I feel every single day,

 lonely

strangely soothing, I’ll say

The silence that goes around,

the connection within yourself

Feeling at fucking ease

For a fucking second

tiring - Exhausting actually

The constant awareness of people’s emotions,

reactions and thoughts

energy being drawn out of your system

With nothing at all in return

And That’s what pulls me back,

To the trenches

Out of harm, With my loneliness